I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
