guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
