we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
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When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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