it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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