If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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