She said her name was "party"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
