I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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