hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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