Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
