Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
