I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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