I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
