Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
