who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
