I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
