You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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