I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
