Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
