apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
