the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
