sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Randomize
