she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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