we have officially lost it.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
