if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
