"it" just moved
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
