there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
