I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't deserve a penis
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
