i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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