I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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