I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
