If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
third nipple confirmed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
