dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
