Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
