I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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