I puked a lego.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
