I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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