I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
