The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
