My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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