So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
