Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
