I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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