Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
