hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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