I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
babies were throwing up all over the place
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
