It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
