Someone shit on the floor
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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