I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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