Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
