Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Found your dick twin last night
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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