I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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