why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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