I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
