I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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