her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
