I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
