how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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