I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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