Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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