How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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