Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
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what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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