my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
