Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
