Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
