My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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