i was born a porn star she said
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
