I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we're making bets on your personal life
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
