I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
