i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
