it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
