this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
