he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
