DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
