Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
this hospital has no fireball
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize