oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
