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My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
