Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
