Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
